Quality time with a princess

She spent the night last night, and we saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ~ fabulous. Mike took this picture when we went to pick her up. I am so jealous that I didn't take it!

I saw one of the most amazing performances of my life tonight. The Mamata Shankar Indian Ballet troupe was just incredible. I couldn't find a soul to go with me, so I got dolled up and went by myself. Unforgettable show. I don't know how we got lucky enough to have them come here.

It's way past my bedtime; guess I'll miss my workout tomorrow. Oh well, it was worth it.

I didn't take this picture. I sure wish I could have taken this picture. It's my brand spanking new great-nephew, Daniel. My sister is a grandma for the first time! Mother and baby are doing fine. But they're far away so Aunt Anna hasn't met him yet. :(

I'm still going strong on the program. I will break my streak tomorrow night though. I think it might actually be a sin to go to the movies and not eat popcorn. Sierra is spending the night, and we're going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I can't wait!

Artbabe just flipped a light on inside my head today; she was talking about using your own unique observations and knowledge to create your work. And someone on the radio today was talking about the old adage "write about what you know" ~ I think he was some sort of larcenous criminal who ended up as a successful writer of crime novels. Anyway, obviously this is a message I'm meant to get today and I feel much better about my pictures now.

I know absolutely ZIP about photography, but I intend to actually read the manual that came with my camera this weekend, for the start of an education. So far I've pretty much left it on it's "Automatic" setting. Then I figure there must be some really good sites on the net. I really don't want to commit to a class, but I do think I should have some basic knowledge before I lose a really good shot through my
own ignorance.

I just keep seeing things that I feel compelled to photograph. All kinds of things seem to be hitting me that way, and I think it may have a lot to do with my recent battle with breast cancer. Everything just looks a little more stunning; everything catches my eye.

She also set off a question in my head. If I were to offer CD's for sale on this blog, would that violate my agreement with Blogger? I guess I need to re-read the terms.

Here's what I'm struggling with today. I want to invite my almost-4-year-old step-granddaughter to spend the night Saturday, and I really want to take her to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We took her to see her first movie, Madagascar, a few months ago. Here's my problem. I can't imagine a movie without popcorn. Or a sleepover without pizza (she likes cheese pizza with ranch dressing!) This is the kind of situation where I traditionally just give myself a Get Out of Jail Free card and throw caution to the winds. I have to learn to experience life without punctuating all pleasures with food.

I'm still on a 100% streak, and still exercising every morning! And I'm still gaining weight. :::sigh::: I feel like my belly is getting bigger every day. If it weren't physically impossible, I would wonder if I'm pregant fercryinoutloud.

And now, for no particular reason, a couple pictures of trucks, both taken from inside my car while riding down the road, one while I was driving (now, that's obsession.):

So stealing cars is OK then, right??

I'm just dumbfounded by this asshat grandmother in New York who is suing the maker of "Grand Theft Auto" because she didn't know when she bought it for her 14 year old grandson that it had hidden explicit sexual images.

How does this make sense???

What was going through her head?? It's somehow OK for her teenage grandson to hone his car-stealing chops by playing a violent video game, but god forbid he should get an erection??

People just amaze and astound me.

But we all know what Tom Cruise said, or who Britney is snogging.

This is shameful.

The New York Times Op-Ed, Nicholas Kristof says:
"Some of us in the news media have been hounding President Bush for his shameful passivity in the face of genocide in Darfur. More than two years have passed since the beginning of what Mr. Bush acknowledges is the first genocide of the 21st century, yet Mr. Bush barely manages to get the word "Darfur" out of his mouth. Still, it seems hypocritical of me to rage about Mr. Bush's negligence, when my own beloved institution - the American media - has been at least as passive as Mr. Bush.

If only Michael Jackson's trial had been held in Darfur. Last month, CNN, Fox News, NBC, MSNBC, ABC and CBS collectively ran 55 times as many stories about Michael Jackson as they ran about genocide in Darfur."

I say:
At least 200,000 people murdered, and millions displaced, raped, tortured...but we are all so tuned in to our "reality" shows that actual reality doesn't even register on our radar. We are sheeple. We will focus on whatever is flashed in our face with the brightest lights and most cleavage.

And what really makes my blood curdle is that the most popular shows on TV are the ones that trade on humiliation. Let's watch 5 women compete for 1 man and see which one cries. Let's watch 10 fat people starve themselves and run on a treadmill 5 hours a day to lose the most weight in the least possible amount of time, like a bunch of macabre human hamsters. It's like a big ole circus freak show. Jerry Springer is no longer an anomaly. The lowest common denominator has become the thing we aspire to. I want to vomit.

Now, wtf am I going to do about Darfur? I don't know. Probably just blog about it. But at least that's one voice.

Freia's home, and boy is she pissed. She's also still deeply groggy from the sedation, and that's quite a combo, let me tell you! Apparently she has a couple of things going on, some inflammation in her hips and also allergies. So she's going to be on a steroidal anti-inflammatory for a while. Giving medicine to cats...one of my favorite things. :::shiver::: Luckily, this stuff has all sorts of fish oils and other vile ingredients, so it's very stinky and apparently cats LOVE it. So hopefully that will make it easier.

We went to one of the W.C. Handy Festival events tonight, in Wilson Park, and it was wonderful. A great band, Fritz Pizitz played, and everyone brought blankets and lawn chairs, and all the children were dancing and doing somersaults ~ it was just the best summer evening.

I started yoga classes again last night; temporarily going back to the beginner class just until I get my sea legs back. It felt so good! This morning I started FitLinxx strength training again too, and that just rocked. Of course I had to decrease my weight lifted on most of the machines by 20 pounds or more, but I'm still lifting more than I was when I first started 3 years ago. Ki Gong class rocked; we did the fragrance Ki Gong (a lot like dancing) and a walking meditation, all outdoors on the beautiful grounds of the YMCA. There were some gorgeous white Morning Glorys on a hidden trail behind the Y.

My scale betrayed me this morning. After 12 days of 100%, and plenty of exercise, I have gained 4 pounds since Sunday! Stupid machine. Well, I know how good I feel.

Freia is in the hospital. :( She hasn't been herself the last few days, walking around with her tail between her legs, having trouble jumping onto beds and chairs, not at all like the fabulously agile and spectacular creature she normally is. Unfortunately, she does not take to the vet's office very well and he has to sedate her just to be able to examine her. So they had to keep her overnight. I'm sure she is absolutely furious.

Furious with Rowling

She better be writing the next book quick. I finally got the chance to read the Half Blood Prince. No spoilers here but she really needs to get on the ball with the next one. Worst. Cliffhanger. Ever.

I've been awfully good with food lately, and the scale is finally moving, slowly but surely. I actually got in the pool yesterday morning, and that rocked. Had a bit of a scare when my waterproof mp3 wouldn't work, but now that I've discovered I just had the blasted thing on pause, all is well. ;)

I've gone from 254 to 248 in a couple weeks...that's pretty good but I hope this isn't the whoosh I was expecting. I mean, I hope I don't slow to half a pound a week or worse until I at least get to Onederland.

Two different people on our Weight Loss Challenge at work lost 10 pounds the first week. I have no chance unless both of them completely give up and lose nothing else. Man, I really needed that $200. Well, that's the last time I put down money on weight loss.

From the wall inside the Vulcan

A photo I took from the catwalk around the Vulcan statue.

Oh. OK, well, that sucked...

So I spent most of the day agonizing over whether, if my photographs came in from Snapfish, I would get the nerve up to share them with the arts group I've been hanging with at the weekly meeting tonight.

They came in! My heart was in my throat, right? I got them all ready and made myself leave the house with them. Terrified. I am definitely not a photographer. I mean, I never even owned; hell, I never even touched a camera until a couple of years ago and that was just for eBay and pics of grandkids. I'm just obsessed with taking pictures right now for some reason. And I've always been a firm believer in art, and how when it grabs you by the throat you have to pay attention and take it seriously.

But I don't know diddly squat about photography. So I'm walking in to that hotel conference room, more heart-stoppingly afraid than I think I have ever been of anything, bar none, and I have done some pretty embarrassing things in public on purpose, believe you me (do the words "giant talking poker-playing panda" mean anything to you? No? Well, they do to me) but this, THIS was completely uncharted territory for me. One would think that bag-lady-strips-to-belly-dancer Birthday-O-Grams would be out of any reasonable person's comfort zone, but no, for me, this was it. The big cahuna. Laying myself out on the line knowing that my offering sucks, but that I have to show it anyway.

How did it go?

Well, the meeting was cut short, and I never had the chance to show anybody a damn thing.

I got my body back!!!!

I can exercise again!!!

I saw both of my doctors in Birmingham yesterday and got an A+ report. No cancer, no more surgeries, no more treatments, no more limited activities!! I will be in the pool in the morning! I had Ki Gong class this morning and it was beautiful, outside. Every muscle in my body feels engaged, like it's waking up. I can start yoga again on Monday. I'm home from cancer!!

Gotta go to bed.

Ki Gong class starts again in the morning, so I have to get myself to bed so I can be up at 5 a.m. Normally I would go and do the FitLinxx machines before Ki Gong, but I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. I'll let the docs tell me on Wednesday when I can start that and the water exercise. But my Ki Gong instructor promised to start out slow so I figure I can slide back into that.

This is the hardest part of exercise for me. I love to stay up late!!! But I can't do that and get my morning workouts in because I HAVE to have at least 7 hours of sleep or I am worthless the next day. I miss being 20-something and being able to stay up for days at a time.

How can I go through an entire weekend and do nothing?

It seems like everything takes forever these days. I know I spend too much time on the internet but I feel like I really limited myself to just the emails I needed to answer, and just a couple of BB posts. I managed to do the laundry, and clean the kitchen and bath. But the house is still a wreck. I didn't have time to study my new Dreamweaver software. I didn't have time to read Harry Potter. I didn't have time to play my violin, though I did strum the guitar a bit. What the heck was I doing all weekend? It's a mystery. It's like a day just doesn't last nearly as long as it used to. Maybe I should take up smoking pot ~ that should stretch out the days. I could take a month's vacation and still not feel like I have enough time to catch up with the things I want to do around the house.

And I can't even THINK about the basement, which is still full of stuff left over from my business, mostly supplies and stuff I can't bring myself to throw away because it's perfectly good stuff. What I need is to have a yard sale, but my husband would rather die than have strangers roaming around our yard. And most of it is just not good enough to go to the trouble of selling it on eBay. I should just throw it away and make some space. Space would be great. I could have a recording studio down there and make music. BUT IF I DON'T HAVE TIME TO READ HARRY POTTER WHEN WOULD I HAVE TIME TO MAKE MUSIC?

Boy I sure am on a roll with the whining tonight, eh? Here's a sort of epiphany I had today about all this. It doesn't matter if I get it all done. The idea is to get the most out of every moment, regardless of what I'm doing. The idea is to live wide, not long.

I'm still dying to read the Half Blood Prince.

Bamboo curtain

The bamboo curtain on our back porch, altered with filters and such:

I played with photos tonight

This is a collage photo of the walkway atop the Vulcan statue, a backlit hole in a cavern wall, and Freia's eyes.

My crazy cartoon dog

I was trying to take Max's picture and he wouldn't sit still as usual, so this is what I got. Cracked me up so hard I had to share:


I feel so good, knowing I'm back on the program and on my way to being one hell of a lot smaller. I have ballooned up so much that I feel like I'm just going to explode. Today has been great; I have done nothing but putter about the house and the puter listening to Radio Paradise and doing exactly what I feel like doing. My brother and nephew came by and brought me a CD of my nephew's new band, and it sounds great ~ lots of Led Zep covers. It almost made me homesick for my band, Kulmandu.

Asphalt Floral

The hurricane blew flowers all over the parking lot at work, so I took a pic.

I made a cool background out of this image that you can see here.

What's with all the bumblebees??

For the last few days, my yard has been swarming with bumblebees. Great big ones. Flying just above the ground. Did they come in with the hurricane? What the hell are they doing out there? There are no flowers. Nothing traditionally attractive to bumblebees, as far as I know.

Weird.

Not much else going on with me. I'm still eating too much, still can't exercise. Looking forward to getting back on NS starting Friday when I'm joining (and organizing) a weight loss challenge at work. I sure don't want to lose a lot of water weight before then. It's a little frustrating though. We decided to incorporate exercise into the challenge this time (we've had two challenges before). So now, each pound lost will count one point, and every 5 hours of exercise will count one point. The weight is no problem to keep up with; I have a scale in my office and I will weigh everyone. The exercise is on the honor system, and I am hearing much whining that people will lie. My thoughts are that if they lie, that's their problem. What goes around comes around. But since money is involved I just have a really bad feeling about this. Everyone is kicking in $15 and the winner takes all.

I will see the doctor again on Wednesday (this involves driving all damn day which doesn't thrill me) and I really hope he will release me to exercise. I'm starting Ki Gong again on Tuesday regardless. My instructor has promised to be gentle.

I want my body back.

Frustration, web design, and saving lives

About once a year, someone dies while canoing or kayaking in Cypress Creek here in NW Alabama. My husband has become empassioned about the idea of making the creek safer for paddlers. I offered to build him a web site. Little did I know that the task would become an endless maze of roadblocks and frustrations. I bought a domain, and finally got a rudimentary site up at www.cypresscreekfloatway.org but it is nothing like I had envisioned. I tried setting up a forum, but can't figure out a way to make it link to my web site. I think it's way past time for me to stop for the night because I am ready to put my fist through the wall.

I did get a really nice break last night. We went to the Drive-In and saw the most awesome double feature ever ~ Star Wars and War of the Worlds. Wow. Also ate all kinds of nastily delicious drive-in food ~ they have the best cheeseburgers in town.

A rare moment of mutual toleration

And now, for no particular reason, a pic of Bamba and Freia during the one afternoon in their lives when they actually co-existed on the same sofa.

Vulcan's shiny metal ass, and a cow.

A cow we passed on the road:

The shiny metal ass of the Vulcan statue:

It's the only part I got a decent pic of. Figures.

My family working a puzzle...

My sister and her best friend (a recent breast cancer survivor) watching my husband Mike work a jigsaw puzzle in the hospital waiting room while waiting for me to finish one of my treatments:


My sister drove from Montgomery just to be with me while I got my treatments one day.

Reclining Figure

This is me at the Birmingham Museum of Art, with a kindred spirit. I wasn't as sleepy as I look.

I sold myself for a dollar...

I feel renewed, and challenged. A dear young friend of mine had read an email that I wrote recently while I was feeling depressed, and purposeless. He then travelled over 200 miles with his new bride on Monday just to tell me how much I had influenced his life and to give me encouragement and purpose. I can't tell you what that meant to me; and the silver dollar that he gave me, with which he said he was buying me to the service of The Lady, will stay with me always. There are few true Knights walking around today, and he is one.

He also showed me the movie he and his friends just finished, and I am still reeling from the talent and fresh perspectives in it.

When I was 15, I played opposite his father in the Miracle Worker at Ivy Green. I remember him and his brother as babies, playing in the grass waiting for us to finish rehearsals. Doesn't life play some strange cards? I haven't seen the father since I was 15, but the son has become a huge player in my life.

The Summer Day

Someone just sent me this poem and I am in love with it:

The Summer Day

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down,
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?


~ Mary Oliver ~

(New and Selected Poems)

I have to record my experience at the Hope Lodge

I guess I just couldn't bring myself to write about it on my blog while I was there. Some of you have read this before, but I wanted to record it here.

I have been through the most humbling, and inspirational week of my life. The American Cancer Society's Joe Lee Griffin Hope Lodge is where we stayed while I had my treatments. I met, hung out with, had meals with, laughed with so many people with cancer and their families. And they all had this amazing strength, this complete refusal to give in to cancer or anything it would seem to represent. Some people were fighting it for the third or fourth time, but it didn't matter. They met each new treatment with courage, humour and what I can only describe as total tenacity. These people were fighting for their lives, and the lives of their loved ones. And they were doing it with such grace and such love. No one could focus on their own pain because everyone was so concerned about everyone else. I am changed forever. My opinion of humanity has changed forever.

The advances that have been made in the last few years have really given us hope, and that's what I was seeing, the stirrings of hope in the war against a disease that has for so long been a death sentence, but that now is not.

The kids tore my heart out though. Alana is 3, with all the energy of any 3-year old, and has been given about a 15% chance of making it. Don't mess with her though when she wants something; she'll give you a look that her great-grandmother (who was her sole care-giver while we were there) describes as "the evil eye". Too cute. Literally, way too cute.

Jessica is 10, a gorgeous African-American girl who never met a stranger. The cancer behind her eyes has taken one of her eyes and she's undergoing treatments to try and save the other one. It has affected her mind in many ways, one of which is that she has become telepathic. She told me what I was about to say to her on more than one occasion. I don't know if anyone else knows. Her mother calls her stupid, and crazy to her face every day. I wanted to sit her mother down and try to talk some sense into her, but I just made a point of disagreeing; she isn't crazy; she's special...Before I left I bought her a gigantic costume ring; big enough for her to be able to see it, and told her that it was a special ring for a special girl, and that she could do anything she wanted to in this world. I can't stop thinking about her.

Conner is 7, going on 30. He doesn't have cancer; his mother does and he is the only one available to take care of her during the week. The chemo has taken away her ability to walk now. Mike ran into him in the hall the day before we left and said "How're you doing, Conner?". He said, "Not so good. Mama fell again today". And I swear to you the next words out of that sweet child's mouth were, "How's Anna?".

If there was ever a good cause, the Hope Lodge is it. The accomodations were so nice. We had our own hotel room with bath. The common kitchen was enormous, with at least 4 stoves and sinks, and two huge food prep islands. We had our own big bins in the room-sized refrigerator and freezer, and a big locking cabinet just for our pantry food. In addition to a huge dining area, there was a roomy screen-in porch with tables and comfortable outdoor furniture. You could look up and see the Vulcan statue further up the mountain, or look down on the city of Birmingham. What a view. I ate my breakfast outside every day. The lodge also offered transportation several times a day to any of the local hospitals where anyone might need to go for treatments. The Susan G. Komen Foundation had donated phone cards so that we were able to make long distance calls.

The address, just in case anyone reading this might want to make a donation, is:

Angelia Taylor
Director, Joe Lee Griffin Hope Lodge
1104 Ireland Way
Birmingham, AL 35205-7010

I will probably write more as I process the experience. Right now my fingers are a little sore from typing. ;)

Home!!!!!!!!!!

We got in about an hour ago. I finished my treatments in Birmingham this morning and had the balloon removed (OUCH!). Then we finished checking out the art museum and headed back. I got lots and lots of pets and purrs from Freia, downloaded all my pics and now I can go get in my own bed, and sleep on my right side!!! I was so sick of having all those tubes hanging out of my side, not to mention the big balloon in my boob that I had to be careful not to pop! Now all I have is a hole in the side of my breast that has to heal before I can get back in the pool.

I am terrified to get on the scale. I had already gained 20 pounds...and I ate like a horse the whole time we were gone. There was an awesome Indian restaurant right around the corner, plus we found great sandwich shops, P.F. Chang, etc., and I ate what I wanted. In fact, I don't think I will get on the scale. Not until I feel like I've lost some weight.

I'll have to go back to B-ham in a few weeks for some follow-up visits, and then get a mammogram in two months, and every couple of months thereafter. The really good news right now is ~~~ I can finally take a shower!!! I've had to do sponge baths since the surgery, and haven't been able to wash my hair except for twice when I had it done at a beauty shop.

I'm off to crawl into my OWN BED. Good night!!