Violins

So the best thing that came out of this weekend is, I learned how to keep my fiddle in tune, and I've been practicing. It's a crappy fiddle, and I really want a better one but that ain't happening. So I'm learning to force this one to work. I really love playing, and I'm better at it than any instrument I've ever tried to play. I am competent on guitar, and I enjoy it. But I seem to be picking up the violin a little easier than I have anything else. Of course if you heard it at this stage, you would run screaming and wonder what the hell I'm bragging about. But for me, it's good progress. ;)

My eating is still out of control, but the binge is slowing down, I think. I keep trying to figure out why I'm so ravenous all the time. Maybe subconsciously I'm afraid of dying and I know people with cancer stop eating. And to add insult to injury, I have a co-worker who is all up my ass about how I don't need to be doing NS right now. Or I'm just a fat pig who loves to eat. That's possible too. I know I probably don't need to be practicing my Psych 101 diagnostics on myself right now. What I have chosen to do is to NOT WORRY ABOUT IT. But hanging out on a weight loss chat forum has become a completely ingrained habit, and that may not be the best place for me right now. I just can't stay away. My fingers click the links when I don't know....ok now I'm paraphrasing the Miracle Worker. I gotta get a grip.

Anne Bancroft is dead. One of the greatest actors of our time has left the building. I fucking hate cancer. She was 73, happily married and still drop dead gorgeous when the biggest goddamn C on earth came and shut her down. I'm pretty pissed about that today. She should have had at least 20 more years. So should my mother when renal cell took her 2 years ago this Sunday.