World Tai Chi & Ki Gong Day!

We had a decent turnout, but the weather forced us indoors. :( It was still cool though, and we did our part for our hour, of the wave of healing energy rolling through the time zones, all over the world.

Now I have to go dye my hair and get ready for the party tonight. I already went to the health food store for some organic Pink Lady apples, pears and oranges. I hope I can find a pomegranate at the grocery store, but I suspect they may be out of season.

I am so ready for some revelry!

It didn't suck!!!!

We just got back from Hitchhiker's Guide and I was oh so very pleasantly surprised and entertained. I fully expected it to be painfully bad. Instead it was brilliant. Loved it. Loved every character. Even the cheesy love triangle they concocted between Zaphod, Arthur and Trillian didn't annoy me too terribly much.

Check out these flowers my co-workers gave me when they found out I have breast cancer. I love them! And the Gerbers match the crazy outfit I'm wearing tomorrow night. I may have to wear some in my hair.

A good night's sleep..

Oh, it means so much. To sleep through the night. Last night was awesome. My CPAP was even comfortable. I needed that.

My emotions are pretty even. I haven't even touched that Xanax prescription since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I figure I have a long war ahead of me and I can't depend on chemicals to keep me focused. I can't wait to get back to yoga class. That's the good stuff. And Ki Gong, which just may have saved my life. It was my Ki Gong practice that alerted me to the odd sensation in my right breast that made me go and get a mammogram.

So I feel good. Every once in a while I burst into tears, and I still feel like I need one good long cry. But so far that just hasn't happened. Maybe I can schedule that for this weekend...

I have breast cancer.

I keep worrying that I'm going to blurt it out like that, like Samantha did on Sex and the City. I mean, it's hard to think about anything else. Not that I really want to think about it, or know anything about it. Normally if I get a hangnail I'm all over the internet reading about alternative treatments. Now I just want to settle on that phrase...I have breast cancer...

I'll be fine. It's early days yet, Jack. It's early days...

Tuesday ~ another cookie.

*sigh*

I don't think me being out of NS desserts was enough justification for eating another peanut butter cookie, but eat it I did.

Luckily my shipment came in today! So, no more excuses. As long as I keep salad, broccoli, carrots, and skim milk in the fridge I am prepared for an NS day!

One thing I definitely have to do is quit hanging out on this computer so much! My muscles are starting to atrophy!! AAaaaauuuggghhh! I haven't exercised since my surgery last week. I'm just terrified of having the wound open up or something hideous. It really does seem to be healing, so no excuses there either!!

I get my biopsy results tomorrow (Wednesday)! I have no doubt that it's fine but it sure will be nice to hear that for sure.

#$@#@E#T$!@!$!@#*(^$

I ate a friggin' cookie. A nasty homemade, warm peanut butter cookie. Why? It was there!!!!! Looks like I've got some habits to break once again. First of all, things like that are just going to be forbidden in this house. If Mike wants to keep things like that, he's going to have to get creative and hide them. NOT BLAMING HIM! I did it. But until I get into some healthy habits again, I just can't have temptation staring me in the face. I'm so pissed now I just want to scream. I was doing so well!!

Hell, I'm still doing well. Did I eat the bag of Cheetohs I had?? No. I put them in the break room for mass consumption. Did I eat a good healthy salad for lunch? Yes.

Calming down...moving forward....

Let me show you some pictures of my grandkids

This is Sierra:



And Jacob:



And my big kid/husband Mike:

5 hours to pay bills.

Did you know that if you take a break between each one to read the NS BB, it can take all of 5 hours to pay your monthly bills? I just found that out. An entire afternoon, gone. I better go do some laundry! But first, for your viewing pleasure, a picture of my chihuahua Bamba and one of my Aussie Shepherd Max to give them equal time with Freia (not that either of them could hold a candle to the magnificence of her majesty). hehe

Back on track, and feeling fab

I just finished a gorgeous lunch salad and entree, and am pretty jazzed to be back on track with NS. I weighed in at 250 at the doctor's office yesterday and that was an eye-opener! I always weigh about 5 pounds more in the afternoon, but seeing that number on the scale was sobering. I want to see that 230 again and then watch it go down from there. 170 is going to feel so good.

I took some pics of my best girlfriend today. In the basket my aforementioned goodies came in:




And chillin' with some catnip:

I got an 89.7...

I can't look...

I took off the plastic dressing from the biopsy site today and it was really difficult. In fact, I lost it pretty bad. I guess I expected a tiny little suture and what I've got is a freakin' gash all the way across my right breast.

The coconut pie I just ate did not help at all.

A breast should be smooth, perfect, a symbol of primal nourishment and beginnings. This is really hard to accept. I feel better now that I'm dressed and I don't have to look at it. But every time I did see it I broke down. I'll get past this, but I guess I'm in mourning for my boob. I feel like such a fool. I'm so lucky. I'm alive, I probably don't have breast cancer and even if I do, it's not very advanced. I have a husband who loves me, a great job, good friends, and I'm devastated by a little cut on my chest. Ridiculous.


I have an appointment with my family doctor in a few minutes, just to renew my acid reflux prescription. Why they can't do this over the phone is beyond me. No, it isn't. They want the office visit fee. Doctors don't give a rat's ass about their patients' lives and how they are disrupted by having to spend an afternoon in their waiting room just to get a prescription. .

At least it gets some makeup on my face and me out of the house. :)

Derailed again

Ugh. My co-workers just sent me a huge freakin' basket filled with goodies. Chicken artichoke rice salad. Tuna salad. Broccoli soup. Chicken Salad. CROISSANTS. Candy bars, cookies, you get the picture. I ate the chicken artichoke salad for lunch.

So here's where I am. Accepting the gift in the spirit in which it was given, using it for nourishment and easy meals for the next few days. DH is just going to have to get into a cookie and candy bar-eating mood because those are the most evil things in the basket and they must go. I'll be back on the NS track in a few days.

Awfully nice to have friends though. :)

Aaaaaugh!!! It itches!!!!!

I had a breast biopsy yesterday, and now my right girlfriend is taped up with so many bandages it looks more like I had a partial mastectomy. And itches SO BAD!!! I am losing my mind here. I just keep trying to do things to keep my mind of it, but I can't really move around too much, so this internet is just going to have to do the trick. Last night I just took Tylenol PM and knocked myself the hell out. I can't very well do that all day today though, so here we go!! Eating on plan will be a challenge today. I tend to eat out of boredom and frustration and I'm really going to have to maintain focus. Not too bad so far.

My Nutrisystem History

The story thus far...

I've always been a meaty wench; but the meat turned to ham hocks and that turned to lard as the scale peaked at 305. At that time in my life, there was no focus on taking care of myself. I was working full time and owned my own retail store on the side. My mother became ill and I closed my shop and became her caregiver. After she passed over in June of 2003 I suddenly had time to step back and look in the mirror. I was horrified at what I saw. I didn't even recognize the big round face I saw in the mirror. I couldn't navigate the few steps in front of our house without clinging to the wall for support. I couldn't go to the movies because I didn't fit in the seats. I was a physical wreck.

In August of that year, I discovered Nutrisystem and my life changed forever. I lost 70 pounds (9 of which I have gained back during my recent shameful period of gluttony, soon to be history). I fell in love with exercise. I do deep water cardio three mornings a week, FitLinxx strength training 2 mornings a week; and Ki Gong classes two mornings a week. I have joined a bellydance troupe and am taking African dance classes on the weekends. I practice yoga in an intermediate class two nights a week and several times a week on my own.

Starting around Halloween of last year, I started pigging out way too often. Before long I was completely out of control. In January, I started losing again, slowly, not really following NS, just using the food some of the time and still pigging out too much. I managed to lose 13 of the 22 pounds I had gained. Now I am internalizing the fact that I absolutely must remain focused on nourishing my body with healthy foods on a daily basis for the rest of my life. For right now, it's going to be 100% NS food. After I reach my goal of 170, I intend to continue losing weight, learning to use my own foods. If I go back over 170, it will be back to the NS foods.

This is me, and the love of my life:

Yet another blog...

I have one for myself, my band, my solo music, and now for my weight loss alter-ego, Voluptua!