Hurtful comments.

I posted what I thought was a lighthearted jab at myself for being so musically obsessed, with a link asking for anyone who enjoys my work here on this blog to buy me some music. Kind of like "listener-supported" radio. I thought it was funny. I also thought my writing and photography might actually be worth something. Guess one person thought not. This is what someone said to me today:

" don't know if this is some kind of joke or if you really are a clueless, selfish, manipulative person. My opinion of you has radically changed. ..."

And then it got much worse, and I'm not going to repeat any more of it because it is too painful. It was an Anonymous, unsigned post.

Well, Anonymous, there's a hell of a lot you "don't know". What you said was hurtful and not true, but just in case anyone else out there had the same opinion of that post, I have removed it. I have spent this afternoon crying uncontrollably at work for the first time in my life.

Which brings up an interesting point. Is my psyche this delicate? That the comments of one person can send me into a crying jag? Or maybe that some of those insults rang true? Manipulative? No. I won't accept that one. I say what I mean, and mean what I say. But clueless? Yes. For most of my life it seems I have been standing on the sidelines of life, not really knowing the rules or really having any desire to play the game. And selfish? My dearest friends have always told me that I give too much.

What that person did to me today was just mean-spirited and wrong. I have my theory on who it might have been, but I'll never know the truth of that because of her cowardice. But it did force me to examine some things about myself. I came very close to deleting this entire blog today, because I just wanted to retreat into myself, again. I've worked too hard to do that though.

I'll keep up my blog, for myself and for my actual friends, at least until I get my web site up and running. I won't be anywhere near the Nutrisystem Bulletin Board.